One Blink.

A little over three months ago I saw my life flash before my eyes.

It was a cold, but yet fun filled night with friends planned out in the city. Every good night has to come to an end sometime, right?

On our way home, my friends and I were driving down the freeway, and within a blink of an eye we were hit by a drunk driver.

I remember before we collided I had this strange feeling. I wasn’t scared and I wasn’t anxious. However, I knew something was coming. I looked to my right and I remember seeing the car, and then just knowing that we were going to get into a car accident before it even happened.

Shortly after this moment the car started to merge over from my side of the vehicle, and he clipped the front side of our car, leaving us stranded with a totalled vehicle on the side of the freeway.

It’s crazy to think about how fast it all happened- kind of like how it is in the movies.

You have that feeling that something is going to happen.

You see the vehicle right in front of your eyes.

And before you know it you’re getting hit in the face over 100 MPH by a very large bean bag (well, maybe a little bit more firm than a bean bag).

I felt like I was in a movie.

I had this strange and yet strong ring in my ear from the pressure from the airbags, and I smelled this weird smokey sensation.

I looked around to see if all my friends were okay, and thank the Lord we were.

That night we walked away we a totalled vehicle, but we also walked away with minor injuries, and lives waiting to be filled with more personal testimonies.

That night really put certain things in my life in perspective.

As I saw the other vehicle colliding with ours the only automatic response that my mind, body, and spirit had within me was to proclaim, “In the Name of Jesus.”

I was not the driver that night, and I had no power physically to move either vehicle. I didn’t know any other way to respond, or control the situation except to fully surrender my fear to God and take authority over enemy’s plans for our life that night.

The Lord has His mighty hands on us that night because the situation could have ended very poorly considering all of the factors, but Jesus had another plan. He loves us so much that He wanted to show us how much more life He wants for us to live through HIM and light this testimony for the world to see.

I have suffered with anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 18 years old. I believe that I have been fully delivered from those attacks since the moment I threw my anxiety pills in the trash after my mission trip last summer, and even in the moment when I should had felt anxious the most, the Lord brought me peace and confidence.

I had never felt so calm, bold, and courageous during a time of need like this in my entire life! That night the drunk driver drove away, we were left in the cold with a totalled vehicle, and a slightly bloody nose.

Earlier that day before I went out with my friends I was on my way to Starbucks. Before I got out of my car something drew my attention to my airbag caution label on my visor. I remember just staring at it thinking, why am I looking at this?

About ten minutes before the accident I had taken my seatbelt off to take off my coat. That night I walked away with a sensitive ear, and a few bruises but the timing that God had with that seatbelt saved my life.

My mom also told me earlier that day she saw my picture on our fridge at my parents house, and she said that I was really on her heart and she continued to pray for me throughout the day, specifically for protection.

I firmly believe that God sent this situation for a purpose. I believe that He was trying to teach me multiple lessons on this day. I believe that He was revealing to me that no matter what the situation is, and no matter how out of control things may seem, He will always find a way to rescue us because He has an amazing plan for each and every one of us, and He will continue to walk with us upon completion.

After that night I began to think of all my sins that I had made.

I thought of all the rude comments, or even gossip that I’ve said about others.

I thought of all of the bad choices that I made that were not very Christlike.

I thought of all of the times when I have tried to taken control of situations when they were out of my hands in the first place.

And every single time my mind wandered back into the past, Jesus brought me back to the present and reminded me that He is not a god of punishment and getting even when we have wronged HIm. He is not a god of compromise. And He is not a god of disownment.

He is a God of love, forgiveness, and grace. He is a God who restores, provides, heals, and supports. He wants us to come to Him for our every need and to take care of us.

He wants us to hand over our current situations, and surrender our control over the things that we can and cannot control, and realize that He is sovereign.

No matter our past, our choices, our mistakes, and even our future mistakes- He will always be there to rescue and restore us.

Romans 8:39 New International Version (NIV)

³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

A Second Chance

I remember exactly where I was at during this point of my life last year.

I was a senior in undergrad, trying to survive my classes, pass my capstone courses, and do whatever I could to put my name out there before graduation.

I was doing the best that I have ever done before in school- making really good grades and actually retaining and comprehending the information that I was being fed.

I went to a national conference and got my name out there to some really big company like Warner Bros. Tv., Vera Bradley, and a couple different event planning firms and grad schools. And I also received my first job in my field as a social media and communications assistant for a global nonprofit that absolutely loved people and Jesus- two of my favorite things.

Although I accomplished a lot of goals that I had intended to complete, there were quite a few others that I had really wished that I didn’t let go of too easily.

In order for me to actually become serious and as disciplined as I was during this time of my college career I had to make a lot of sacrifices and unfortunately that made me distant myself from a lot of things that I cared about the most.

After a lot of thought and consideration- especially from the summer before- I made the decision to not return the following year to a job that I really fell in love with, stop volunteering for a ministry that truly developed my relationship with Jesus as a young teen, and even deciding to hang up my racket months earlier my senior year from a sport that I dearly loved.

It really didn’t occur to me that I was not only walking away from certain areas of my life during this time, but I was also unintentionally cutting off a lot of relationships with people who were by far the biggest blessings that I was ever given. And that sucked.

No, I did not see myself continuing to work in education, getting a job as a youth pastor, or even becoming a professional tennis player (like I’d ever even come close… lolol).

After doing a lot of reflection, I was reminded about how these different areas of my life have molded  me into the person that God has created me to be.

Fast forwarding to after graduation: I never thought that I would move back to Chicagoland after graduation. I thought that I was going to move straight to California, get a job as an RD at a university, and start a master’s degree in management and leadership.

Boy… Was I wrong!

As the summer began to wind down I started to realize that my plans were not as great as my God’s. And as much as I didn’t want to admit it I knew that I wasn’t ready to make the move to California yet and the jobs that I was trying to make “work” wasn’t cutting it.

Finally I laid it down on the line and gave in. I surrendered all of my selfish ideas and plans to God and confessed that there was no way that I could press play and make my “picture perfect” life go into action. I realized that I was kind of doing what I did in my previous undergrad years again- trying to do it all and be the poster child of a college kid until my head explodes.

During this time I realized that I had to be okay with not knowing everything all the time and being okay with the unknown. I had to realize that my plans are not perfect and they will not always go the ways that I want them to no matter how many sticky notes, highlighters, and stars I put next to them in my agenda.

Finally, I recognized that my worth does not come from whatever success or accomplish that I make in the workforce, in the classroom, or even on the courts. It comes through the love and compassion that Jesus has for me and that is more than enough.

A few weeks go by and I finally receive an acceptance letter from a company that I did not plan to receive. After sending out a lot of resumes, cover letters, and applications Towards the end of summer I accepted my job offer from the Walt Disney Company for the Disney College Program in California. I remember filling out the application and thinking that it would be a dream to come true to work for the company that reminded me as a little girl, that dreams can come true… but I was not expecting getting accepted at all.

Then I remembered His ways are higher than my own. I can’t thank God enough for this opportunity to further my education, to be mentored, and work for a company in my field that is so near and dear to my heart. Shortly after my acceptance letter I tried to fight the idea, but I knew that I needed to make the move back to Chicagoland.

Throughout my entire time in college I tried so hard to create myself getting involved in more clubs and extracurriculars than I can count, mentoring underclassmen, leading worship, playing a collegiate sport, and trying to build relationships with those around me. However, the junior year slump hit me pretty hard and by the time senior year came around all I could focus on was just finishing and getting that “dream job”.

Looking back, I realize that I was not as intentional as I should have been during my senior year. That is probably the worst regret that I have throughout my entire college years and thinking what if. Just because I had to make some sacrifices did not mean that I had to let go of some of the people who meant the most to me. And for that I am truly sorry. I had many nights after graduation in full thought thinking about certain people in my life and what I could have done, or what I could have said to help them or just be there for them. And that was the worst pain that I could have ever of felt.

I love people. I love my family. I love my friends. And I love knowing that I can and somehow make an impact in the lives of others. But this last year I felt so disappointed in myself because I felt like I was not able to do that, or was in the place to do that.

Personally, coming back to the area again felt like God giving me a second chance.

I don’t want to ever look back and think “what if” again.

I don’t ever want to have a friend have to reevaluate our friendship and question if I really care about them or not.

I don’t want to look back and think what if.

To those that ask and wonder if God ever gives second chances…

He definitely does.

Don’t underestimate the power and grace that our God has for you because it is never-ending and will continue to pour graciously out on you.

If I could encourage you about anything, don’t ever miss out on any opportunity especially if it involves continuing to grow more like Jesus and showing others His love for them.

And another thing- if you are given another second chance, don’t take it for granted.

You were given this opportunity for a reason. Grab a hold of it and make the most of it.

So life update: I am now a grad student getting their MBA (also something else that I said that I was never interested in… jokes on me, I actually like it a lot!) and working as a social media assistant. In three months I will make my big move to Southern California to work in event planning with the Walt Disney Company. My hopes are to also continue to get involved with PRSA and other young professional networks, network within entertainment publicity, maybe join a club tennis team, and just become totally immersed in this new adventure showing everyone that God puts in my path the love of Jesus.

Until the big move, I am loving the joy, peace, and comfort of being surrounded by so many Christlike and loving individuals that helped me grow and become the person that I am today in the bourb. I love all my fellow tigers so dearly and am beyond thankful for this opportunity to reconnect and grow some seeds before this new journey.

Here’s to second chances, to new chances, and to no looking back.

xoxo

He’s Calling Me Back

Last year I had accomplished a lot of firsts.

• I went on my first airplane ride
• I traveled to the west coast for the first time
• I went hiking for the first time
• I went on my first mission with M.I.A.

M.I.A. stands for Missions In Action. It’s a ministry at my university that inspires and equips students of Olivet Nazarene University to become global minded disciples for a lifetime of support and service in cross-cultural ministry locally and internationally.

During that year specifically I learned a lot about myself, my faith, and the role that God played in my life- and where I wanted Him to be. I struggled a lot that year before the trip with several different details of my life- I was in a rough patch academically because of my load of course work and I was beyond stressed because of my commitment to extra curricular activities that pushed me over the edge. It was during this time when I knew that I needed Jesus more than ever.

I like to think that I handle stress well, but my idea of handling it is just ignoring it and trying to take care of it on my own. I’m not one to really ask for help when I know I need it. I like to try and fix things by myself- unfortunately that didn’t do much for me in the long run. This was the year when my anxiety attacks started to come back and I hadn’t had one since my senior year in high school. I was constantly on the go- classes to tennis practice to work to homework to studying and then maybe… just maybe I would be lucky enough to get more than 5 hours of sleep.

That year I wasn’t able to go out and have fun with my friends as much, I barely had any time to sleep, a lot of times I forgot to eat, and I lost my joy.

I didn’t understand why my world was falling a part when I tried so carefully to piece it together. I loved my major, my tennis team, my job, and everything else that I was involved in. However it just seemed like one thing and after another and everything started to backfire. Thankfully, with the Lord’s deliverance and grace I was able to finish out my junior year and be at peace before I left before my mission trip.

During that time I truly didn’t understand why God chose me to go to Hawaii.  I never thought that I was one to be cut out for missions, or that I would ever be called. At the time I thought my life was messed up. I was very unhappy, stressed, and extremely sleep deprived. I never thought that the school year could possibly end. However, God had a plan and a reason for everything.

As my team and I departed for this beautiful island of Hawaii, God revealed to me so much about this past year and my future.

• I was reminded of the person that He created me to be.
• I was reminded about what pure joy in the Lord was.
• I was reminded that I was not created to live this life on my own.
• I was reminded that I don’t have to take care of everything on my own (even though I still try to).

Throughout our time intentionally investing in this island, growing our relationships with new friends, and spending time with Lord through this ministry I was able to reach my next stepping stone in my faith. I also realized that I had been replacing a lot of vital areas of my life with things that only brought me temporary satisfaction. And in the long run, those things only made me even more stressed. After my mission trip I knew that God needed me to make some sacrifices and focus on Him and the things that were most important in my life more for my senior year. This was when I had came down to the decision to walk away from tennis, a job that I had fell in love with, and volunteering with a nonprofit for the sake of growth and being intentional for my senior year.

These were not easy decisions to make but I knew from the time I got off the airplane back to Chicago that these were the areas of my life that I needed to give back to God in order to get on a deeper level with Him. I tried to fight possibility staying within each one too, but within two or so months of the school year I knew it was time to walk away from it all. And strangely, it wasn’t hard or painful at all. I knew that this was what I needed to do to get back on the saddle and get close with God again and He helped me through it.

I would not have been able to comprehend the half of this if it wasn’t for my opportunity to serve and lead others to Christ through M.I.A. and our mission trip to the Big Island. God really shows us some cool things when we listen and obey.

This upcoming May I have the opportunity to go back! I am very excited to see what God is going to do again and see what He builds off of from last year through this mission. This mission trip last year changed my life and I would not have been able to do it without the power of Jesus, the support of my friends and family, and my home churches (home and home away from home) constantly praying for my team and I.

I am about eight weeks away until I leave with my team and I for this mission trip and we have a lot to pray for! Would you join my team and myself in prayer for this mission as we prepare to go? I personally am still in need financially to go on this trip as well and would appreciate any kind of support or prayers. I will frequently keep all of my team and I’s supporters updating throughout my last few weeks of college as we prepare to go through these blog posts/newsletters.

If you feel called to give to my mission trip please go to the website below and search the following:

https://securepay.olivet.edu/donate/smdonate.asp

• Fraley, Brooke – Hawaii, June
• Fill out the rest of your information.

A Hui Hou,

– Brooke